the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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