I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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