I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
