my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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