happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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