I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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