when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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