TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
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I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
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I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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