Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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