Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
