I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.