its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
