i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
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I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
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We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?