OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I just shit out all my problems.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
