I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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