Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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