We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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