my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
