the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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