I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
