Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
