I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
zippers are such a cool invention
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
