"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
