I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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