u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
