we're chasing vodka with high fives
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
