conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
