I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
