He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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