i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
