I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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