I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
