you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
