was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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