I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
