Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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