Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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