This is not my ceiling
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
its not stalking. its research.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
