dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
