I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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