So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
