I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
