Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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