And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you had me at cake vodka
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
