I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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