are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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