Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
