You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
