Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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