If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
