STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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