everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
