I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize