Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i was born a porn star she said
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
