shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
