He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You are a genius and a whore.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
