forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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