Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize