the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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