Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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