is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
