Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
