How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
